When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This house was built for laser tag.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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