I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
