You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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