Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
