Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
