Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
