Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
