dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she told me i tasted like america
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
