drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
