Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
