we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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