how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
