don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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