just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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