Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
