I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This baby is an asshole
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I pour the whiskey from now on
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
