Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
