I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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