We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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