I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
