do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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