new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
