she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
