This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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