I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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