Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
