you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
