i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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