Sry I called you an 8
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
