Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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