I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
