We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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