I'm jealous of your bromance
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize