So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she told me i tasted like america
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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