well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
