You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
one two three fourrrrnication!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
