I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
