we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
