OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We don't watch enough power rangers
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
