I wish I could teleport
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
