god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
third nipple confirmed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
