My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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