The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize