at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
