That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
