Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
