hotel room ftw
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
