It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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