I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
