Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize