Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
