weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she looked like the before picture.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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