we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i out mim tonsoeep
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