so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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