You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
