i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
