Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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