Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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