I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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