She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
