I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
