I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i've created a new STD.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
