Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
