she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
