when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
