theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
