I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
