She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize