It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
