how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
